Outside all of the craziness and when I let myself forget certain things, my life is pretty simple.
I don’t feel like I can’t survive without wifi or some other things people feel they’ll die without. I still believe the essentials are; air, food, water, shelter and clothing on one’s back and between thighs. And the basics? toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, body lotion and something to make you smell good. And for the ladies, some sanitary pads, tampons or whatever else works for you.
So when the wifi gets cut off or if the connection is really bad, I still pick up one of my many books and read, or play an old movie, or just meditate. And when I pass by little pleasures I don’t have the money for, I tell myself they’ll still be there when I finally have the money for them. So I deny myself.
I work with what I have.
For example, I started a youtube channel without having a camera, phone or tablet that has a good camera, and with my quite old laptop that is recently and slowly starting to fall apart (recently, letter ‘k’ stopped working so I’m going to have to send this to my tab and insert all the k’s). I can’t blame it though, just a couple more years and it’ll be a decade old.
Anyways, I started the youtube channel still because I knew waiting for the right moment or waiting to have everything might either never happen or may make me eventually give up on the dream. So I started with basically nothing. I borrowed phones to record and used all types of free editing software to edit my videos to the best I could with what I had and made it work. Now, I haven’t been able to record much due to not having any of the necessary things to get more quality videos, so I’m continuing on here because as I said before, I’m picking the lightest shadow, using it for light and running with it until the other shadows dimmer enough for me to see my way. I can make something from almost anything I have. Believe it or not, there were stones, actual cemented rocks, in this costume I hand made. Wowzer.
Anything I have to make it work.
I’ve been away for a while due to lack of what to post. I sincerely didn’t know what to write about.
Yeah, and I ended last year with massive changes; I left certain groups that weren’t helping sustain my happiness anymore. I couldn’t bring myself to deny me happiness. So I left. It wasn’t easy but I like to think it was necessary. And when I told my mum about them this year she said “… as long as you are happy, that is what is most important” and told me of how she dumped some relationships and doesn’t give a damn about anything that’s not sustaining. I love my mum.
I didn’t come here to wallow or gallivant my feathers like a male peacock hoping to score one of the peahens. And this is not me having a ‘public’ self pity party but updating those still faithful followers of mine of why I’ve been absent and also trying to encourage anyone reading this (including myself when I still sneak back here to read my posts) to be unafraid of starting new things and making those changes that have been past due and to tell you that one of the essentials in life is happiness, and even better, joy.
After all, many have stopped living because of the absence of it. Many have stopped living by literally killing themselves, while others have stopped living by only being a shell of themselves.
Thus, joy is essential. And happiness, not rated well enough.