How does one deal with abject loss after years of lavish excess?
How does one deal with no feeling after living their entire life in hyper awareness of their emotion?
How does one that used to boast of seeing heart where others saw pictures, reading soul where others read words, tasting fireworks when others tasted food, hearing life where others heard music, feeling things that could not be put in correct descriptive words, feelings that were exquisitely, exotically, unequivocally intense… ‘Tropical’ go from all of that to nothing at all?
How can my heart no longer recognise someone it used to frantically beat for? How can there be no sign of ink, no memory at all, on the paper where stories were once in their full display? How can there be empty desert where there once was a village with trees, buildings, streams, laughter, signs of habitation? – Mass genocide.
I once told a ‘hypothetical’ person; ‘Humour me. Surprise me and strike a riveting, challenging conversation. Allow me to see the strength of your mind’. But now I am saying surprise me by giving me an answer to an impossible question, by telling me the whereabouts and history of a thing that seems to have never existed. Now, I am in the seat of King Nebuchadnezzar and you are my Daniel and I am asking you to tell me the details of a dream that I remember existed but does not seem to exist. I am asking you for the cure of an illness that has not even been discovered.
And in my chase to feel, I have thrown myself into scenarios, gatherings, emotional playgrounds that I
should would normally feel something, to come up with nothing but a sense of loss and sorrow for things that were ultimately me.
So please, borrow me some emotion.
Feel everything you want to feel and be in the moment, so that your response to that feeling will evoke one in me. Help others like me around you feel and experience every side of life by feeling them yourself, help us recollect those memories that seem to be non existent by owning yourself unapologetically for us to see. By laughing till your ribs hurt, smiling when you see something amusing, crying when you want to, jumping if you want to, doing that victory dance when something works out for you, by feeling every one of those emotions, by being unashamed of them. You are an answer to someone’s impossible question if you just be you. You solve an equation, fix a puzzle piece and fix some broken piece of someone’s heart when you revel in the beauty of the complex intricacies within you.
Please be present in every moment of your life. Borrow us some emotion.
Let your burst of life awaken our dead.