Finally! the second and final part to the ‘Give and take’ series. I know, I’m sooo early
The givers are the opposite of the takers, they give. The givers are the ones in the relationship that seem to be always doing something or sacrificing for their significant other/the other person(s) in the relationship (doesn’t necessarily have to be the romantic kind).
Now, the really bad part to this scenario would be; if the other person(s) involved knew they were taking advantage of this person’s generosity. Or, if we’ve given so much that now they automatically always expect it of, and from us. That is sincerely downright cruel!
Other times, even if a person doesn’t have the ‘SLG’ gene (Santa Claus-level-generosity-gene), there might be cases where the other party purposely puts this person in the position of always being the one to give/sacrifice/offer, by making them feel guilty or sad. Basically, it’s a scenario where Mr. B knows the right buttons to push, the right memories to bring up, and the right things to say to make the other person feel guilty about not doing something they want him/her to do. It’s emotional blackmail! And the worst part is, they make it seem optional. Example;
“…I mean, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to… I just thought I had a friend in you and all, but it’s fine… Now, I know not to ask you for anything…”
Now, this is alright if it’s just once or twice. I mean, common! sometimes we give the puppy dog eyes or pouty lips when we want something – But not all the time!!!
If someone repeatedly makes you feel like scum at the bottom of their shoes as a means to coerce you into doing something, then they’re blackmailing you and that’s neither fair nor appropriate. You shouldn’t be put in a position like that where the only reason you did, or constantly do something for someone, is because they always bring up things or say things to make you feel bad when you decline. It’s abuse. Seriously.
Now, I’m not saying you should be a stingy Scrooge. All I’m saying is that you have the right to say “no” sometimes, or refuse to do something you’re not comfortable with, without being made to feel bad about it. Being made to feel bad is different from you just feeling bad for something you think you did or said that wasn’t fair. The first is very intentional.
So, if you’re in this position, it’s okay to tell the other person “Hey, can we talk about this?” and talk about it. Miscommunication and assumptions lead to a LOT of problems in relationships. So, be clear. If you don’t want something, say it. If you like something, say it. Give a sign, something, anything! Reward/Affirm the things you like and want in order to encourage those actions from your partner/friend/family. And, do things/ give clear signals when something doesn’t sit right with you in order to discourage further occurrences in your relationships. If they don’t care that much to take you into consideration, you might probably have to review that relationship.
Oh! and let’s also not put other people in negative situations/ positions we don’t want to be in – obvious example; constant emotional blackmail
Let’s be kind,
- Image; Give you my heart WP by Myrcury-Art (sourced from deviantart.com)