Firstly, I want to apologise for my absenteeism these past few weeks (more like the past month ). I had some laptop issues and, I wasn’t really available to post .
Okay, so getting right into it… let’s try this again.
Get it? take, because our topic is ‘the tak-E-R-S’? Okay, I’m weird, never mind .
Today, we are going to be talking about relationships, specifically, the give and take in relationships. This is the first of three posts in the give and take series, and the topic has to do with people who constantly take from us without giving or sharing anything in return. And, the things they take can vary from material to non-material things. All they constantly do is take, take, take and, take. Oh! and did I mention take? And mind you, I am not talking about people that are in need or lack something that we can give them, or people that are dependent on us at the moment probably due to their losing a job, or being sick, or handicap in some way or the other. I am talking about healthy, not necessarily hearty, individuals that never contribute to a relationship in any way, but take all they can, and at every opportunity they get. These are the takers. And their job is to take.
In some cases, they do it knowingly and in other cases, they do it unconsciously or innocently. Now that we have established that, it is important to know that this type of relationship is not healthy and should not be encouraged, and encouraging them is the exact thing we do when we fail to speak up about it, or show our discomfort because we probably do not want to hurt their feelings, or because we have not found the right time to do it yet. However, we have to understand that;
- This sort of relationship is what biologists would call a parasitic relationship.
- If this person is doing this consciously, then this person is taking advantage of the situation, the relationship and us. This is not okay.
- If this person is doing this unconsciously, then we are not helping him/her in the long run, because, they would never learn to stand on their feet if we don’t ever give them the chance to.
- We may never speak up if we keep on waiting for the right time to do it. We have to decide when the right time is going to be, or make the time right.
- We may be someone’s taker . I know! horror story. But, it can really happen if we are not careful (the innocent kind) and, it can also happen when we refuse to open up or sacrifice in a relationship for the fear of being hurt, or, for the fear of being taken advantage of. Our being on the other end of the equation and our gaining from the relationship still does not make it okay. And, does not make it healthy.
For numbers 2 and 3, we have to speak up. A relationship is about people willing to go the extra mile, or at least an extra inch for one another. It’s about taking but also giving and sharing, and caring for each other. And the truth is, when you really care about somebody or love someone, you give to that person. It could be gifts, attention, or even your little mind moments thinking about that person. So for scenarios 2 and 3, we have to speak up, and have a proper conversation with this person and find a solution from there, or at least, make them know that it is not okay. If they don’t see a problem with their behaviour, even after explanations, then something is definitely wrong somewhere. That person might have a psychological problem… just saying. Now, during our come-to-the-light moment, it is not time to lay blames and recount every time in history they have erred, but just tell them how we feel and that we do not want that sort of toxic relationship anymore; and, we would like to develop a healthier relationship with the party involved. In essence, we would like to be loved. Because, love entails giving.
For number 5, we have to study our relationships and realise that it is not fair to the other party, and have a personal come-to-the-light moment. In the homepage of Y.I (yclept ineffable. The blog you are currently reading), we talk about tossing out the fear and that is exactly what we have to do. It may be difficult. What am I saying? It IS difficult to willingly trust someone after someone else or the same person has hurt us, or taken advantage of us. But, it’s a choice we have to make sooner or later because in order to earn trust from someone else, we sometimes have to open up, even if just a little bit. It’s not fair to expect someone to tell us everything and share the world with us when we won’t give a sliver of information about ourselves, or our past. The past does not define you anymore. It is what you do at this moment, and the decisions you make that do. And the truth is, sometimes in the journey of love, even learning to love ourselves, we have to be willing to give love a true fighting chance by taking the risk of trust and acceptance.
So what’s it gonna be? Give or take?