Okay, so… I initially did not want to post this but, I reminded myself of the purpose of this blog, which is, to talk about the things we would normally not want to utter.
Yclept = called/ by the name of.
Ineffable = too great or extreme to be expressed in words.
Moving on, the very first time I met an exhibitionist was about a year ago when I was going to the food market. I got on a public bus to go to the market and on the way, the bus passed by an ice cream court where we picked up a guy. As fate – or whatever I can call it- would have it, this guy sat next to me on the bus.
Upon sitting he goes; ‘Wanna have a taste?’
Mind you, it’s not like he was taking the ice cream with a spoon or something. It was an ice cream cone he had partially eaten. And he asked this question while licking off more. I was so shocked by him in general that I just said ‘no’ and whipped my head to the side. As with buses, people got off at their various stops before the final destination which was the food market.
Due to people dropping off and all, it remained he and I at the furthest seat behind, an elderly lady sitting two rows in front of us, with an empty row in between and, the conductor at the very first row. If you stay in the Caribbean, then you know we love our loud soca beat.
Anyway, the driver started playing this upbeat song (trini or jamaican, I can’t remember) and all of a sudden, this guy started bumping my leg. So I scooted a little to the side and then this guy spread his leg further to touch my thigh. By then, I was already thinking ‘uh! uh! this guy is not doing this!’. So, I moved to the side again and this man spread his legs even further, all the while maintaining his rhythmic bump. At this point, I was over it. So, I decided to tell him that irrespective of the fact that he was enjoying the music, he could enjoy it pretty well on his own turf because there was basically no where else for me to go.
Anyway, I’m thinking of how to tell him ‘politely’, when I hear a “You don’t mind right?”
Too agitated already and realising we were almost at my stop, I decided to just overlook it thinking he was referring to the leg bumping thing he was doing. So I turned my head to him with a tight lipped smile and replied with a ‘no, it’s fine’ and whipped my head back to avoid further conversation. Then it dawned on me that this guy wasn’t asking if I minded about his ‘dance moves’ so to speak. So, I turned back again to understand what the hell was going on when my eyes peruse hie entire form, and take in his half open shirt, loose pants (belt unbuckled and all) and his fist working something through his open shirt.
By then in my mind, I was gasping – – and opening and closing my mouth like fish gulping water, and alternating between dumbfounded and saying ‘Ohmigosh‘ repeatedly. In my mind. On the outside, you would think a cucumber and a fan birthed me.
Anyways, I was still trying to wrap my head around the masturbation session going on beside me, when this guy having probably noticed my ‘eureka moment’ asks “Wanna touch it?” whilst sporting a cheeky grin.
At that moment, I had reached the point of hyperventilation in my head and at the same time, I kept wondering how totally unbelievable and very characteristically Meme-like that such a thing would happen to me of all people. And, that it would be with such a gutsy personage as the utterly shameless man sitting beside me that, I had totally nothing to say but, turned my head in the other direction wondering how, for as how many times the conductor and elderly woman have looked behind, haven’t noticed him in his spread-eagled-fist-pumping glory?
Anyway, I quickly dropped off as soon as the bus got as close to my destination as possible still dumb struck by the sincerely, slightly unbelievable ordeal.
I sincerely don’t know the point of this story other than for your reading and my writing pleasure and to relay to you that these things happen. And in this case, the guy probably had martymachlia which is basically arousal stemming from others watching the execution of a sexual act (Martymachlia is a form of paraphilia).
It took me a second to realise the moral of the story, lol. I had to actually seriously think of a moral lesson so that it would at least teach something . But anyway, The moral of the story is to mind who you sit next to and speak out if you’re being harassed (was my very first time, so couldn’t do anything due to how shell shocked I was. I know… excuses! excuses!)
Please leave comments on any bizarre, hilarious or out-of-body experiences you might have had in the past so I don’t feel like I’m frighteningly unusual. Let’s be crazy story buddies, plus, It doesn’t have to be sexual. I mean, the topic/ experience could be anything.
P.S: Tell me if you want to hear the second story.
- Cover Image from quotesgram.com